Types of fish

OK, so we all know that if we kept fishing day in and day out we would eventually hook a fish. You might have also seen that there are still plenty of fish in the dating pool. HOWEVER, you might not catch the one that you like…

Puffer fish– they blow up all the time! Quite negative- road rages, hates slow drivers, also many TV shows and songs. They like to make out that others are really stupid.

Gold fish– they forget everything you’ve told them! They also don’t think to ask you many questions. They message you with one liners such as ‘good morning’ or ‘hey’.

Flake– you just can’t tie them down to commit. They are busy or late or like to live spontaneously (always taking the best offer), perhaps prioritising mates over dates.

Mudskipper– talking to so many girls at once. You may not hear from for a week but they will skip back to you… eventually, probably late on a Saturday night.

Common cod- the blokey type, loves footy all weekend. Watches it, plays it, replays it, has to check the footy fixture before making plans. Drinks, smokes and swears, usually has an Australia flag tattoo. Will pick sports bars over restaurants.

Blob fish– loves movies, TV, collectibles, Xbox and PlayStation games, but doesn’t like to go out much.

Flathead grey mullet- doesn’t really understand what you’re talking about. Texts ‘huh?’ Or ‘what you mean?’ Needs things explaining. May be a tradie (trying not to stereotype) or not word smart. You need to meet these ones in person!

Mahi Mahi – international men that have only lived in Australia for a few years. English is their second or third language so some messages are a bit strange. They don’t have a lot of friends so message a lot. Some think us Aussie women are too feminist these days (independent).

Guppy- flashes their money or brags about their job, bonuses or overtime rates. Looks neater than you, very well dressed. Puts neatness or hygiene in their profile as a priority.

Catfish– never meets up so could be anyone! They may have a partner and just be online for fun or out of boredom but has no intention to act on anything.

Clownfish– loves Dad jokes or anything to have a good laugh. May enjoy humorous British TV shows or Seinfeld. Can recite one liners from most comedies. Good for banter but doesn’t usually develop further.

You might accidentally hook –

Octopus– they will tell you want they want to do to you before you’ve even asked or responded to the first sexual detail. Can be very handsy and may try it on in the middle of the day.

Squid– can’t look you in the eye, very nervous, trying not to ink themselves.

Penguin– not over their ex I’m afraid. They often can’t perform, holding on to baggage, still trying to talk things through or separate belongings with their ex, too attached to the past. May also still be attached to parents or living at home, can’t look after themselves.

I’m looking, looking, looking and trying to hook:

Endlers Livebearer these fish are adaptable, placid but vibrant, colourful, and popular in aquariums as good in a community.

Salmon– they’ll do the chasing as they know what they want. Active and adventurous- why else would they swim upstream? Often motivated and career driven or community minded to make a difference. Everyone loves a good salmon.

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To any men that are reading this- what type of fish would you be if you were a fish?

Ladies, what other fish have you hooked?

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